Yes to a ‘safe space’, and HELL YES to a safe and brave space (the next logical step)

The summer is a great period to get in a contemplative mode, reflecting more deeply on some of the patterns that are punctuating our life.

In this contemplative period, following a very hectic first half of the year, I started embracing something deep that’s been part of me all along: the paradoxes that I carry. I have come to realise I combine – especially in my work – a lot of paradoxes or ‘wicked questions‘.

One of these paradoxes, related to my facilitation practice, that is simmering in my summer meditation is the importance of combining ‘safe space’ and ‘brave space’.

Let me explain…

How to combine both safe space and brave space and get beyond the comfort zone? (Image credit: Amanda Meeks)

If facilitation is there to ensure “everyone can do their best thinking” and open up their ‘private conversation’ to the public, then of course we do need a safe space. Psychological safety is primordial for people to feel included, learning, contributing and challenging (these are ‘The 4 stages of psychological safety‘, by Timothy R. Clark).

And indeed a lot of the facilitation that I observe is primarily about creating that space where people are all feeling welcome and encouraged to speak up. No more ‘one-man talk shows’ and polite, formal, tired conversations that everyone is keen on forgetting…

In fact, the most easily noticeable effect of bringing facilitation in our conversations and collaborations is freeing everyone’s contribution. That is the premise of Liberating Structures and other collaboration repertoires.

And yes, it feels great to hear all these voices, to see that people feel empowered enough to share their views, and to do so in an atmosphere of mutual respect.

I cherish communities that offer this, such as Never Done Before (NDB) as it feels so warm, comfortable, liberating. Like going to see your friends, and indeed I consider quite a few NDB folks as my friends by now.

Safe is great, but not enough…

And yet, that warm comfortable space is only part of the true collaboration picture.

Having a safe space where people only share ‘safe stuff’ doesn’t get us very far. It’s nice, it’s sadly enough too rare to feel this comfortable, but it’s not what breaks through ‘business as usual’ and our standard routines and traps. It’s just a warm and fuzzy world. It’s still very valuable, but so short of its full potential.

We need to be willing to get to the next step – the ‘brave space’.

In fact, it’s almost unavoidable that at some point, when people trust each other enough, they feel comfortable enough to share uncomfortable truths. Engagement ultimately leads to friction, because we start sharing our wacky, off-the-beaten-track, vulnerable ideas and thoughts. Participation liberates awkwardness, confusion and even shame.

And that is what we need for collaboration to bring about real change!

However uncomfortable, awkward or shocking it might be.

Facing our demons, our fears is a necessary step towards real breakthrough at a personal level.

And collectively, Navigating our misunderstandings and disagreements, that confusion, frustration, friction or even conflict, is what bears the seed for generative solutions. Because then and only then have we made the effort of looking at the whole picture, the whole elephant in the room. Only then have we confronted our own limiting beliefs, and only then have we accepted to really listen to each other deeply, and to hear what each has to say, no matter how it sits against our own ideas and principles.

Mind you: This is not to say that we should seek conflict. High bravery with low safety is just an aggressive space where dominant voices may be the only ones heard again.

It’s more a matter of embracing it if and when it rears its head. Because the combination of high safety and high bravery is properly transformational, and what makes teams (such as Google teams) able to take risks and create breakthroughs time and time again…

This double quest of ‘safe and brave’ is what is motivating me to run this ‘friction lab’ series of sessions on #NDB (with a first one dedicated to challenging communication styles – see also related Miro board).

I want to invite all that bravery, the courageous conversations and elephants in the room, taking risks and learning from our mistakes, inviting feedback that may hurt but can significantly improve both the situation and the relationships involved, the radically new ideas that may be initially primed as idiotic or impossible… all that stuff…

So I guess I’ll keep cultivating this wicked question of mine:

“How is it that I want to make people around me comfortable (and, let’s face it, like me) and at the same time I don’t want to shy away from trouble, misunderstanding and conflict’?

Let’s explore this together! Share your thoughts, experiences, resources, ideas. And feel free to join NDB to attend Friction Lab! Next session is on August 29th.

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